Originally published in the second edition of The Phish Companion, this is a textual collage of quotations from scores of interviews with the band before, during, and after their two-and-a-half-year hiatus, which started 12 years ago today. These quotations have been edited together in topical areas, which allows for a cohesive telling literally in their words but also allows the reader to pick up on shifts in tone and emphasis over the course of the hiatus.

The Announcement

Phish is currently on hiatus. The band has not decided how long the break will last, nor have they made any future plans collectively or individually. (5) We've got about six gigs left on this tour and ... I want to take this speaking opportunity to thank a couple of people before we go on what's going to be our first extended hiatus in about seventeen years. ... What we're planning on doing, so that you get the message clearly from us right here, is taking some time and writing some music and kind of getting our whole life back together before we return so that we can hopefully get another great seventeen years out of this. ... We have, without exaggerating, the greatest crew even assembled in the history of music, and I mean that. This is a chance for them to take a little breather, too. ... A lot goes in this, it's not just the four of us, it's a whole big family kind of team thing. (1)

The End

It was a real emotional time, but in a positive way. I mean, the last week of Phish I honestly don't think any of us slept at all. We just stayed up all night for, like, a week, as evidenced by our raspy version of "Twist" on [The Tonight Show With Jay] Leno. But it was amazing, because no one was sleeping [because] we didn't want it to end. That whole seventeen years was so incredible. We felt so lucky to have that happen, whatever that was. It was like a dream; it was amazing. (10) I felt such a huge wave, just to think that for 17 years we were focused on this thing. (11) Right to the last minute, we ended this last show in San Francisco, and we were doing "You Enjoy Myself," which was always, we felt, the song. It ends with a vocal improvisation, and it was just so emotional. I felt such a huge wave just to think that for seventeen years we were focused on this thing. It was overwhelming. And we just went backstage and sat there for hours. (10)

What happened with Phish was unique and once-in-a-lifetime on a lot of levels. The four of us are all completely aware of that, and I feel so lucky. (19) We had a great 17-year run, and everybody was still healthy and happy and things hadn't gotten weird. It was just time to put the thing to rest. (15) It was much more of a gut feeling that it was the right thing to do at the time. (28) It was time to move on. (13)

The Decision

I have more love in my heart for Phish and more pride in the band that we were for us doing this than anything else we've ever done. To know that I was in a band with four people who knew when to stop, that just did it for me. (19) The fact that we knew enough to take that hiatus at that point in time and that there were no bad feelings among the four of us, made me feel better about everything that is Phish. As a matter of fact there’s been lots of encouragement and I was prouder of being a part of Phish, and feel luckier to be a quarter of Phish six months after we stopped than I had ever had in the whole seventeen years because I thought it was a decision that was made out of respect for what Phish had been to that point. (37)

Yeah, look at that… 20 years. We feel lucky, that's the general vibe around here. It's just been a warm, good, surprising experience for all of us. And now that we've had this break, I feel even luckier, because I ended up in a band with three people who had the maturity and vision to know that this was the right thing for everybody and not to be threatened by it. (40) The luckiest thing was that all four of us felt the same way and there were no bad feelings at all. The best thing about our success is that it allowed us to take this break. If we hadn't taken advantage of that opportunity, if we had just kept floating along, that would have been the real shame. (17)

The Timing

I definitely look at it differently, now that I'm away from it. I can see that we needed a little break to keep it vibrant and keep it going. (42) When Phish is working and fresh and feeling good, there's nothing like it. (47) Everyone likes to see people step aside when they’re at the top of their game instead of draggin’ it out until they’re finished up. It’s the old idea of leaving them wanting more. (3) Everybody's feeling really good. Phish was so vibrant and intense for so long that the four of us felt like we didn't ever want to see it diminish. There was some concern that if we didn't get out and live life for a while, we couldn't maintain that feeling. We could foresee that coming. And we didn't want to experience Phish in any way other than peak energy. (21) There's so much excitement around the Phish tours, and if it stopped feeling that way, it would ruin everything we've done for seventeen years. (10) We all love Phish, all four of us, to such a degree, and respected it so much, that we actually started to see that it could be a detriment in a certain way if we didn't stop. (35) I ask people who are thirty-six, ‘Don’t you think if you were hanging out with the same people you were hanging out with in high school, you’d want a little vacation too?’ It’s obvious (37)

The strange thing is we were closer than ever. We just picked a date, and that was the date we were going to stop. (35) If there's one thing I can say for all four us, it's just that we were enjoying every minute of it so much we didn't even have time to think about a plan… It seemed like it was always a party. (30) Everything was pretty rosy, it's just that we felt the best way to move forward would be to leave it alone for a while and live our lives. We've been doing this series of strange exercises for years. We used to do these listening exercises to make the music more intense and then we would play for eight hours in a row to try to break through something and we had this 'no talking' rule for awhile. I guess the next level would be the 'no playing' rule. (26) Phish took off in ways that I never expected. We went directions that were dictated by the four of us – by our connection as improvisers. That became a real big focus …for years we went around talking about risks – that Phish is about taking risks and moving forward musically. "What's a bigger risk? Stopping at that point and starting a whole new band and writing a whole new repertoire of music and surging forward as a musician? Or just floating around? And that's pretty obvious. (36)

The Corporation

Whatever it was, in some ways it was over. That single-minded vision set out by four guys in college. Really simply, we grew up. For the first time, we had something [Big Cypress] we knew we couldn't out-do. Our whole career, we had been pushing this big, cool ball steadily uphill; after Big Cypress, it started to feel like it was starting to roll downhill. … This is when the planes start to crash and the buses start rolling over. (12) I was getting a little frustrated, and it had nothing to do with Page, Fish or Mike. When a band gets that big, it begins to take over everything. (18) The only thing that matters to me about Phish is what Jon, Mike, and Page think, period. Our journey has nothing to do with anyone except us. And that might be part of the reason that we had to stop, because it was getting to be like a snowball out of control. We were starting to have to barricade ourselves in back rooms and stuff. (30)

None of us in Phish ever anticipated what would happen. I found I wasn't writing nearly the amount of music I wanted to. I was spending more time running this enormous business. (34) I was starting to feel in the last couple of yeas that I was spending more time dealing with the personnel crises of the enormous organization we had made than writing music. (11) I always feel, because of my role in this thing, a kind of responsibility. I want everyone to be happy. I started writing less and less. … It was just becoming overwhelming, and we needed to step away from it. (10) You gotta realize, that for the last … 12 years, our schedule was planned out a year and a half in advance at all times. I always knew everything I'd be doing 18 months later. That's just the way it is. You have to plan a tour six months in advance. And if you book a tour, you know when you finish the tour, you'll probably record an album. So you're always thinking a good year out. (23) Life had become focused on the nonmusical aspects of running a large organization. I felt the years were kicking by and I was missing this chance to learn all these things. (17)

Their Families

Everybody just hit an undefinable point of exhaustion at the same time. They realized that not only do they want to take this break, but to re-envision their careers in a way that's consistent with being family men. (3) They’ve been on the road for 17 years. They’re constantly, when they’re off the road, being thrown projects by the office. They’re overloaded. They need a break to spend time with their families. (2) People are buying houses and having babies and things, and we all did a lot of stuff we wanted to do. (23)

Some of us were getting divorces. We had personal lives; we had to get our houses in order. When you're 19 years old, playing in a band can be a single-minded pursuit. Then you wake up and you're 35. There are other aspects of your life. Some of us had done better in that balancing act than others, I being one of those who had not done better. (44) I wasn't giving enough time and thought to some pretty important things, because my priorities for so long had been with the band. (44) I do worry that people will get the wrong idea. … I know I had a lot of personal issues to deal with that I needed to deal with. (23) We need[ed] a lot of time for personal development. (54)

When we started out we were all like 19 years old [he was 37 when interviewed] and shared a single-minded vision of making Phish be able to sustain us in the world, and be our main vehicle through our journey through life. There are other aspects to that vehicle now. Family is a substantial aspect. Other things require our attention and love and energy also, and they take time. As a result, the cycle Phish will be on probably will be a longer one. We used to do two tours and an album every year. I don't know that that pace will stay the same. I know we are staying a band and we will do tours and albums, but not at the same rate we used to. (53)

Where the Music Was

The whole Phish thing had been quite a ride and letting that all coalesce in our minds and appreciate what we did and the scale of the things we did and the number of things we did. It's hard to recognize it during the middle of it. But with the door shut it was still the same four guys it was twenty years ago, sitting in a room. So there was a certain continuity that ran through the whole thing that made us feel young and not too big or different. But also, part of what the appeal for Phish was a sense of community. And that we did try to do things our own way and that itself was always probably one of our biggest statements. And that's what we tried to inspire people to do. (24) The hiatus was good because, even though our tours were great up until then, in my opinion, something about the creative process had gotten pretty far from our college days when we'd be in somebody's dorm room jamming for five hours and writing original songs just because we could. It was music for music's sake –not for a tour, not for an album. We had lost some of that childlike wonder, and that's what we wanted back. (57)

They need to get off the road. And most importantly, they need to write new music. They all feel that if they take a lot of time, they can really write some good stuff, and get the positive vibes back into what they’re doing. In my opinion, I feel like although they’re doing great, playing great, and having a great time, they’re kind of just going through the motions. Playing the same songs that they’ve been playing for so long. (2) Phish is only four people who could only do so much. (25) I think that the kind of music that interests all of us is changing just due to growing older and changing as life experience. We're pretty hard on ourselves, and we get bored really easily. (32) Every day of every band practice was us talking as a group about what our weak points and strong points are. We found a lot of weak points. (41) It's fun for a while, but it just starts to be embarrassing unless you're doing something that you're really proud of. And in order to do that you need time, to rehearse and write stuff. And it wasn't all fitting together in the same puzzle. (15)

We were just starting to coast in the last year or so, and it was a horrible feeling. (14) We were just exhausted. We were going full throttle for 17 years straight. We weren't making it to the rehearsal room. We weren't writing new material. That was always the key to our existence: the enthusiasm for putting together new material. (44) We knew we hit a wall. At our last show, we went backstage and we were talking about this grand experiment. What if we now left and had as many musical experiences as we could? (48) When we stopped with Phish, we verbalized very clearly that we all had the same concept: If we're going to improve as musicians, we have to go out in the world and live our lives and play with different people. There were no bad feelings. (29)

Stepping Away

In the end, I think we're all happy that we had the foresight to just stop. Because in just stopping, I've ended up doing projects I could only have dreamed over two or three years ago. I'm learning and trying all this stuff that I normally wouldn't do. That to me is real growth. Phish was so all-encompassing; it was my whole world. (14) …up until that last Phish show, as long as Phish is going - and this would hold true for the future, as well - my whole life is Phish. That's it. And it always has been, and even if I ever wrote music with people outside of Phish, during Phish, it became Phish - everything else was secondary. I think that's what made it so special, because people got the sense that it was for the four of us and it was our entire lives. And that's why we had to take a break. (39) I keep comparing it to surfing, because that’s really what it felt like. It felt like we caught this big wave and we just rode it. It was a real feeling among the four of us that that particular wave had kind of crashed into the shore. Things were still rolling along for Phish, but I think amongst the four of us, when we sat in the band room, we had a sense that we needed to let go of that for a while. (43) It’s all encompassing, we had been doing it for so long and it just felt like the right thing to do at the time. (28) There are no plans to get back together any time soon, but doing side projects is only going to help when we do. There'll be a new fire. (18)

People are really enjoying their individuality, which is more than understandable, if you're living a life in music. I don't think anyone can get everything out of one band. (40) There wasn't a lot of interaction. Whenever we were together or spoke, it was happy. … But truly, we gave each other our space. We all had our own projects going on. (49) That was the dream; to get away from one another and then want to come back so bad that it would start to feel like it did five years before we stopped. (33) If this whole thing was an experiment to build interest between the four of us again, I would definitely say it's working. (29) Now there's a lot of creativity and excitement happening with these other projects, in terms of growth as an individual and as a musician. (15) We're really, really proud of the fact that we did the right thing. To me, it kind of feels better than ever, because I anticipate how I'm going to feel at the end of the Oysterhead tour. With all this stuff, you're challenged! You know? (20)

New Writing

It was more of an opportunity than a break, but we'll be throwing more curve balls. (45) With Phish we started to become very interested in our group sound via improvisation, and as time went on, I left certain interests as a songwriter behind. So this is my opportunity to explore these other areas. (39) It's important that we have the genuine freedom to do whatever it is we want to do. I wanted to do this a few years before Phish took a break. I wanted to build the band from the ground up. I started with the drummer and bass player, wrote a lot of music based on rhythms, got together with them, talked about their history, found a basic groove and worked from there. Then I added other musicians along the way. (16) When I think about the amount of music I've made in the last six months, it kind of shows why Phish stopped. (10) I've written so much more music in the last year than I'd written in the previous five. (Phish) was getting so big. It was a giant organization and there were meetings and salaries for employees and that kind of stuff. I don't have nearly the amount of issues I used to have so now I'm writing music again… Now I know we made the right decision. (26) I hope that the fans can look at all the positive stuff that's happened in the past nine months compared to the nine months previous and they'll see why it was so important to me to be lucky enough to be in a group of four people who are mature enough to see that and act on it. (19)

In the last year, if you think about the experiences that everybody’s had, I’ve written far more music than I had in the last four or five with Phish, there’s no question about that. Think about Page, he’s never led a band in his life, not even in high school and he went out and started a band and went on tour and put out an album. I talk to him all the time and he’s really excited. It’s a completely new experience for him and he never would have been able to do it if we hadn’t taken the hiatus. So the four of us are happy about it (laughs) To me it’s all about the music and among the four of us, we’re hoping that we’ll be able to come back together with all these experiences, not to mention, not having seen each other in so long that we’re just dying to play together. (37) I learned the inexplicable nature of Phish. There's this wobbly nature to it that's very strange compared to any other ground I've ever played with. …I feel like I can jump, free fall momentarily, and somebody's going to pick it up. But it's always somebody different. I feel held up by Phish, but I don't know who's going to the holding at any given time. (48)

The Time Off

The whole Phish thing had been quite a ride and letting that all coalesce in our minds and appreciate what we did and the scale of the things we did and the number of things we did. It's hard to recognize it during the middle of it. But with the door shut it was still the same four guys it was twenty years ago, sitting in a room. So there was a certain continuity that ran through the whole thing that made us feel young and not too big or different. But also, part of what the appeal for Phish was a sense of community. And that we did try to do things our own way and that itself was always probably one of our biggest statements. And that's what we tried to inspire people to do. (24)

The hiatus gave us a chance to appreciate what Phish brought to all our lives, and to appreciate the opportunity that we have going forward. (56) The hiatus was good because, even though our tours were great up until then, in my opinion, something about the creative process had gotten pretty far from our college days when we'd be in somebody's dorm room jamming for five hours and writing original songs just because we could. It was music for music's sake – not for a tour, not for an album. We had lost some of that childlike wonder, and that's what we wanted back. (57)

It means there could be a future for Phish, an exciting future where we would get back together and be new people that all came together and tried something new. The way we were going, we were heading toward some kind of burnout. And I didn't want to see that. (15) We were tired and everyone just went off and did other things. Now I go to practice with Phish and it's like I never left. It still feels like we have energy. There is a pile of material to learn. Everyone is excited about it. Any time you go away from each other it allows the people involved to learn new jokes and new things to say and do. (51) We were focused on that thing that's bigger then we are. And as long as it stays like that, it will stay worth it. (58)

Missing It

I always thought that anyone that had followed the path of Phish wouldn't have been surprised at all at what we did. You start asking yourself, what does it really mean to people. Is it an excuse to party or is it really about the music? If it is about the music, you'd be pretty happy right now because there is a lot more new music than there was in the last four years of Phish. (36) And I'm finding out more and more, now that we've stopped, the depth to which people really liked Phish. … All right, whatever, if that's what you want to do. But we never did understand what all the hoopla was about. I still don't know if I do. (15)

I do meet people who are genuinely feeling something's missing. They get a certain spark from planning to go out on tour. … People ask me if I miss it. And while I'm glad we're talking about doing it again, there are so many other things to do in the meantime. (8) I do miss it. There are moments when I think I can't wait to have that feeling again - there is nothing like it. At the same time, I don't miss it to the point that I wish I was doing it right now. (22) This is exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to write more music and be with my family. (7)

This is a very welcome thing for us. And there are no bad feelings; there's nothing but good feelings. So I wouldn't hold my breath. We're all enjoying this period. (9) We all agreed (the break) was the right thing to do. We all just really appreciate all the amazing things that happened with the career. It's really been pretty remarkable, and I'm still kind of processing it in a lot of ways. (52) I think there's a good, healthy feeling about it. You only get one chance in life and everybody should do what they need to do. And hopefully, by going through these projects and doing what we need to, we can come together, ideally, and be happy, healthy individuals. (10)

The Length

It's actually been a cool two years. When we took the hiatus, I think we were assuming this is about how long it would be, in the general ballpark. (45) It started out as a year break, and now it’s turning into… as long as we feel we need a break. (2) We decided we would take some serious time with no plans and no vow that Phish was going to come back. That was what was so important to us, and everybody is happy about that in the band. (19) Musicians improve by playing with musicians who are better than them. So we would all leave our little cocoon. And the only way we could be sure that this experiment was to work was to have no definite plan for coming back. As soon as we had a plan, then no one would really fully embrace their other projects. (48) We don't know how long because we're trying to leave it unplanned. But, whenever the band gets together, which isn't too often right now, there's a good vibe. There's a lot of excitement about doing stuff together, you know, ideas flowing for the future, ideas of making music. So, sometime, I don't know when. (6)

There are really no plans. That's what's going to enable us to become human again. (11) If we said, 'OK, we'll be back in two years,' then that's just killing time. (21) But we said it was a hiatus. If we were breaking up we would have said it. We meant hiatus. (51) We agreed to go on the assumption that we might not work together again. This way, if we do find ourselves standing on stage together, it will be for the right reasons – because we're dying to play. (34) We’re definitely leaving it open-ended, with an enormous helping of respect and a feeling of thankfulness for the experience that we had thus far. Beyond that, we’re just kind of living our lives and enjoying our experiences away from the other guys. (43)

The Return

I can’t even imagine [Phish] not getting back together. (4) We love playing live, and jamming, and the whole concert thing. It's hard to imagine that going away forever. It's possible. It's not the current plan, but we've talked about it. (46) We've obviously been active with other things, but there has never been a threat of it not existing… There's so much history and everything there. You can't just build something like that for 17 years and just walk away. Yes, you can walk away if it's a bad marriage. But that wasn't the case with us. (51) I just love being on the road. The older I get, the harder it is for me to conceive of any other kind of life. I picture myself with my own bus driving around the country at eighty years old in a cowboy hat. (27) But in order for it to work the way we hope it will - which is to inspire us to be thrilled to play together again and keep it going at a frantic, creative and passionate pace - we had to accept the possibility, when we stopped in October last year, that we may never play again. We really said that to each other. We shook hands and said, "All right, have a nice life." I know we all hoped that we would play again, but without saying that it was just a vacation. By saying that, then you're really separated. We really broke the thing down, but that was part of the growth process. The way I feel today, I would be amazed if we didn't play again. But we have not said anything to each other to that effect. I actually spent the whole day with those guys today. (31)

Now that I feel removed from it, I feel very lucky to have been momentarily, in a tiny way, part of American popular culture. Especially when you think about how much incredible stuff this country has produced. To be the tiniest little footnote in that is kind of a cool thing. Once you're away from it all. … I just like those guys so much. I miss them. (30) I didn't know if it would be two years or four years. But I always thought we'd be getting back together. I always hoped anyway, and I feel like everybody did too. … I could see it either way, you know? I could see Phish kind of being back but maybe not being as all encompassing, but I could also see it being as all encompassing as it ever was! (49) I don't think any of the four of us are necessarily all that good on our own. Really, it was the maximization of the talents of the individuals in the group that made it so special. (31) The hiatus gave us a chance to appreciate what Phish brought to all our lives, and to appreciate the opportunity that we have going forward. (56)

The band members had times to express themselves in their own ways and discover their own personalities. Something was satiated there. Then, people were listening to some Phish tapes, partly around these live albums, or watching videos, or me reading my journals, and sort of feeling nostalgic and really getting excited to do it again. On top of that, if there were any sort of issues or gripes at the end, before the hiatus, even little things, those sort of faded away and got forgotten, because by going out and doing something else with new bands, we were able to look back and think, "Well, those little gripes didn't matter - look what we created, this chemistry between four people over 17 years and this new stuff I'm doing is great, but it's hard to compete with 17 years of working and getting along" - a new appreciation just sort of grew from that space and time. All around the same time, we were making phone calls to each other and we just started talking a little more. (46) I got very nostalgic about how fun it was, all the way from the beginning to when we were in the dorm room, to watching our career blossom over the years… Then, we came in and did the four days of recording… The chemistry came together instantly, just remembering 17 years of learning how to communicate… (50) We were focused on that thing that's bigger then we are. And as long as it stays like that, it will stay worth it. (58)

We're going to start [You Enjoy Myself] again, because we've practiced it and we know it so fucking well, and I'm really ashamed of the fact that, after two and a half years off, that's the best we can do. So, please, let us play it again. (55)

1. 9/30/00, Trey Anastasio, from the stage

2. 10/7/00, lighting director Chris Kuroda, in the first edition of The Phish Companion

3. 10/10/00, manager John Paluska, New York Times

4. 10/12/00, Paluska, Billboard

5. 10/13/00, (former) staff member Shelly Culbertson, ABCNews.com

6. 1/17/01, Mike Gordon, Flagpole

7. 1/19/01, Trey, Associated Press

8. 4/12/01, Mike, Hartford Courant

9. 6/5/01, Trey, San Diego Union-Tribune

10. 7/4/01, Trey, RollingStone.com

11. 7/5/01, Trey, Rolling Stone

12. 7/5/01, Jon Fishman, Rolling Stone

13. 7/5/01, Trey’s mentor Ernie Stires, Rolling Stone

14. 7/8/01, Trey, San Francisco Chronicle

15. 7/12/01, Trey, Los Angeles Times

16. 7/15/01, Trey, St. Louis Post-Dispatch

17. 7/22/01, Trey, Atlanta Journal-Constitution

18. 7/22/01, Trey, Denver Post

19. 7/27/01, Trey, Richmond Times Dispatch

20. 10/3/01, Trey, Billboard.com

21. 10/27/01, Trey, Rocky Mountain News

22. 11/15/01, Trey, The Baltimore Sun

23. 11/29/01, Trey, The Hartford Courant

24. 12/20/01, Page McConnell, Rolling Stone

25. 1/8/02, Trey, Billboard.com

26. 4/21/02, Trey, Star-Ledger

27. 4/21/02, Trey, Rolling Stone

28. 4/23/02, Page, Jambands

29. 4/28/02, Trey, Boston Globe

30. 4/28/02, Trey, Burlington Free Press

31. 5/02, Trey, On Stage Magazine

32. 5/3/02, Trey, The Plain Dealer

33. 5/8/02, Trey, Blender

34. 5/14/02, Trey, USA TODAY

35. 5/20/02, Trey, the Associated Press

36. 5/24/02, Trey, Oakland Tribune

37. 5/30/02, Trey, Jambands

38. 5/31/02, Trey, Chicago Tribune

39. 6/1/02, Trey, Alternate Press Magazine

40. 6/2/02, Trey, Cleveland Scene

41. 6/3/02, Trey, Rocky Mountain News

42. 6/11/02, Trey, Pittsburgh Tribute Review

43. 7/4/02, Trey, High Times

44. 10/20/02, Fish, Democrat and Chronicle

45. 10/31/02, Trey, New Times Broward-Palm Beach

46. 11/02, Mike, Hear/Say

47. 11/15/02, Fishman, Rolling Stone

48. 12/8/02, Trey, New York Times

49. 12/21/02, Page, Billboard

50. 12/21/02, Mike, Billboard

51. 12/25/02, Fishman, Kansas Weekender

52. 12/25/02, Page, Kansas Weekender

53. 12/25/02, Trey, Kansas Weekender

54. 12/25/02, Mike, Kansas Weekender

55. 1/3/03, Trey, from stage, Hampton, VA

56. 11/03, Fishman, Relix

57. 11/03, Mike, Relix

58. 11/03, Trey, Relix

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